Choose one concern and a suitable time
Decide what you want the other person to understand. A concrete example is usually clearer than ‘you always’ or ‘you never’. You could begin with what happened, how it affected you and one request you would like to discuss.
Ask whether this is a workable time to talk. The NHS recommends open conversations, checking your understanding and returning to a disagreement when everyone is calmer. These are starting points, not rules that guarantee agreement.
Reference: NHS: Maintaining healthy relationships ↗
Check that you have understood
Before explaining your position again, try putting the other person’s concern into your own words and asking whether you have understood it. Listening does not require accepting every claim or abandoning your own needs.
If the discussion moves through several unrelated issues, write them down and choose one to return to. You might discover that you disagree about an event, have different expectations or need more time to consider an important decision.
Agree on what a pause means
A pause is more useful when it includes a plan to return to the conversation. For example: ‘I need a break. Can we return to this after dinner?’ This gives both people a chance to understand what is being requested.
If a conversation includes threats, intimidation, coercion or violence, prioritise safety. Communication exercises and joint counselling are not a substitute for appropriate individual or specialist support. You do not need to negotiate your safety in a shared session.
When counselling may be useful
You can ask for support if disagreements keep returning, important needs are difficult to express or you are unsure what you want to do next. Counselling can provide a structured place to explore the pattern; it does not guarantee reconciliation or prescribe a relationship decision.
One partner can request an individual consultation. For joint sessions, consent, goals and confidentiality arrangements need to be clear to both people. Chandni offers relationship counselling in Malad West and can discuss whether an online format is suitable.
About this guide
Published on the website of Psychologist Chandni Akhenia, M.A. in Clinical Psychology, with 3 years of experience. This is general educational information, not a personalised assessment. The public health references above support the information; their inclusion does not imply endorsement of this practice.
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